"Participate in turn taking conversations."
It's one of the language and literacy skills listed in the curricular framework I use, and, at first glance, it seems so straightforward. Try mediating a conflict between two young children, however, and it becomes clear just how challenging this can be. I usually become aware of a conflict because of increasing volume between two children. Their voices quickly become louder and louder as they vie to have their words heard over the other's. By the time I'm able to intervene, which is sometimes only a matter of seconds, the conflict is often a shouting match, perhaps even including some physical contact between the two. I help by clarifying the problem, encouraging each child to state their views, and brainstorming possible resolutions with the children. One thing I have learned in my many years of guiding this process, though, is that until each person feels heard, understood, and validated, there is no moving forward. The child will tenaciously and passionately express their sense of outrage, simply unable to move past the intensity of their feeling at the moment. I often find myself saying, "Yes, I understand what already happened. That really upset you. What should we do now?"
It's one of the language and literacy skills listed in the curricular framework I use, and, at first glance, it seems so straightforward. Try mediating a conflict between two young children, however, and it becomes clear just how challenging this can be. I usually become aware of a conflict because of increasing volume between two children. Their voices quickly become louder and louder as they vie to have their words heard over the other's. By the time I'm able to intervene, which is sometimes only a matter of seconds, the conflict is often a shouting match, perhaps even including some physical contact between the two. I help by clarifying the problem, encouraging each child to state their views, and brainstorming possible resolutions with the children. One thing I have learned in my many years of guiding this process, though, is that until each person feels heard, understood, and validated, there is no moving forward. The child will tenaciously and passionately express their sense of outrage, simply unable to move past the intensity of their feeling at the moment. I often find myself saying, "Yes, I understand what already happened. That really upset you. What should we do now?"
As always, I see how the classroom community is really just a microcosm for all of human behavior. And I'm concerned by similarities I see in the ways that we adults face conflict; especially conflict that comes down to life and death, as we are seeing in the United States at the moment.
I'm concerned by the lack of listening. I'm concerned by the unwillingness to consider another's point of view. I'm concerned by the defensiveness, the selfishness, and the inflexibility. I'm concerned by the refusal to acknowledge another's humanity. I'm concerned by name calling in place of discourse. I'm concerned by the proposals, time and again, of solutions that are superficial at best and dangerous at worst. I'm concerned, deeply concerned, by complacency.
I'm concerned by the lack of listening. I'm concerned by the unwillingness to consider another's point of view. I'm concerned by the defensiveness, the selfishness, and the inflexibility. I'm concerned by the refusal to acknowledge another's humanity. I'm concerned by name calling in place of discourse. I'm concerned by the proposals, time and again, of solutions that are superficial at best and dangerous at worst. I'm concerned, deeply concerned, by complacency.
An important part of conflict resolution with young children is reflecting on how the resolution is working for everyone. More often than not, the children move on in a reasonably peaceful way, and everyone goes on about their day. But sometimes, it doesn't wrap up so neatly. Sometimes, our plan fails. So we come back together. We think of other possibilities. And we try again. And again. Until we find something that we all can live with.
But we don't stop trying.
But we don't stop trying.
