I recently attended some wonderful professional development that began with a family therapist telling a story from when his daughter was a toddler. Not long before, he'd earned his Ph.D. and was feeling very confident in how expertly he would parent his children when they came along. But in this particular instance, with his young daughter crying hysterically in the car for a pacifier (that he said he'd never give), he broke every promise he'd made to himself about holding firm on boundaries. He pulled off at the next exit to find the closest drug store and left his daughter in the car (which he said he'd never do) to buy her another pacifier. The story was to illustrate some other point he was making, but I found his honesty and humility so refreshing. Can those of us who are both professionals and parents promise to do a better job of telling each other the truth? That, regardless of all the theory we've mastered in our education and training, we are, in fact, humans who make the best decisions we can in the moment. Even though they might not be the decisions our textbooks told us to make.
As I was reflecting on this anecdote with my teaching partner, I shared with her, "I think that's one of parenting's greatest gifts to me: It distills everything down to what is absolutely essential." Like the presenter, there are some major differences between the parent I imagined I would be and the parent I actually am. It's an ongoing, and sometimes brutal, awakening to that truth. But I also find that, the more readily I acknowledge that discrepancy, the quicker I am to realize that I am actually doing a pretty good job.
From the moment I learned I was pregnant, the flood of information came crashing at me. The best sleeping approach. The best way to feed. The best way to transport. All the best products and ways to do things and parenting advice. And it never stops, no matter how much my children grow. It just changes. Now, it's about the best activities and educational programs and dangers of too much screen time and whether to buy organic and don't be a helicopter mom but also don't let your kid get abducted and make sure they can take risks but you're a negligent parent if they get hurt and eat together as a family but not if it means bedtime is too late and kindergarten is the new first grade but studies show redshirting doesn't make a difference and oh my God.
I've been doing this parenting thing, with the relentless inundation of information, for six years. And here's the bottom line:
I want my kids to be kind.
That's it. Sometimes, they watch too much tv. They eat more chicken nuggets and processed food than I'd like. We have approximately 1,000,000 little plastic commercial toys. I lose my patience. My house is a mess. But at the end of the day, my priority is kindness. As their mom, that's the one true non-negotiable. There are other key points, of course. I want them to think critically. To make mistakes, but to learn from them. To discover their God-given gifts and to share them with others. To love themselves.
And here's the rub: I can help them learn all those things and watch "My Little Pony" with them while we eat pizza.
As I was reflecting on this anecdote with my teaching partner, I shared with her, "I think that's one of parenting's greatest gifts to me: It distills everything down to what is absolutely essential." Like the presenter, there are some major differences between the parent I imagined I would be and the parent I actually am. It's an ongoing, and sometimes brutal, awakening to that truth. But I also find that, the more readily I acknowledge that discrepancy, the quicker I am to realize that I am actually doing a pretty good job.
From the moment I learned I was pregnant, the flood of information came crashing at me. The best sleeping approach. The best way to feed. The best way to transport. All the best products and ways to do things and parenting advice. And it never stops, no matter how much my children grow. It just changes. Now, it's about the best activities and educational programs and dangers of too much screen time and whether to buy organic and don't be a helicopter mom but also don't let your kid get abducted and make sure they can take risks but you're a negligent parent if they get hurt and eat together as a family but not if it means bedtime is too late and kindergarten is the new first grade but studies show redshirting doesn't make a difference and oh my God.
I've been doing this parenting thing, with the relentless inundation of information, for six years. And here's the bottom line:
I want my kids to be kind.
That's it. Sometimes, they watch too much tv. They eat more chicken nuggets and processed food than I'd like. We have approximately 1,000,000 little plastic commercial toys. I lose my patience. My house is a mess. But at the end of the day, my priority is kindness. As their mom, that's the one true non-negotiable. There are other key points, of course. I want them to think critically. To make mistakes, but to learn from them. To discover their God-given gifts and to share them with others. To love themselves.
And here's the rub: I can help them learn all those things and watch "My Little Pony" with them while we eat pizza.
